STORK BITE

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Adventures In Retailing 4412

Alright ladies and gents. Sit back and let me tell you a tale about the dumbest, snobbiest customer that I’ve had to deal with in months, if not ever in the layaway department of T.J. Maxx in Hickory Hollow. 

At approximately 6:30 PM tonight I was approached by a Ms. Tracy Williams, who requested to have a $30 (or $29.99 if you want to get technical) pair of shoes on layaway. She appeared to be in her late 30s and was wearing a blue dress and speaking in a calm, business-meeting type of tone, articulating every word as if she was giving a presentation to her boss. I told her I would be happy to put them away for her. She asks how much she would have to put down on them and I tell her that it will be $10 (this is our minimum deposit for ANY layaway). She then said “So I just give you $10 and you give me a receipt” and I told her that I’d have to fill out some paper work which she would need to sign.

I asked for her phone number as I do for all layaways, and she begins spitting out her 7-digit number in the same calm, business-meeting voice, but this time with a slightly agitated undertone. Being as this is Nashville, I typically start out each 10-digit phone number the system requires with a 615 area code. When she finished reciting her 7-digit phone number I ask if it’s a 615 area code since she didn’t specify, to which she replies, “Um… NO it’s 401” as if I was supposed to read her mind and know her area code was 401 or something.

She didn’t come up in our system, so naturally the next thing that I ask her is if she has ever done a layaway with us before. This is to make sure that the customer knows our policies so that we do not have to waste time explaining it to them if they are already familiar with how our layaway system works. She said she had done a layaway with us before but that it had been a long time ago.

To play it safe I showed her our layaway policy board that was located approximately 2.5 feet away from her face, which clearly states that every layaway requires a minimum $10 deposit if the order is under $100 (which it was), and that $5 of that $10 is a non-refundable service charge. This means that $5 of any deposit, no matter how much it is, is money that you will never see again that does not go towards your order. It is a charge for us to hold your stuff for 30 days.

She takes a fleeting glance at the policy board and says, “Ok yeah I don’t need to read all of that I got it.” She then says, “Wait, how much are the shoes?” I pick them up and say “$30.” She then says in a slightly more agitated tone ”NO, they’re $29.99”, to which I respond “OK yeah if you want to get technical, they are $29.99” with a smile and a chuckle. At this point in my head I’m screaming “FUCK YOU”, but on the outside I’m keeping it cool.

So I total her order, tack on the $5 service charge, and have her sign the agreement on our layaway slip that clearly states that she understands that $5 of her $10 deposit is a non-refundable layaway fee and that the other half of her $10 deposit will be taken if she cancels or fails to pick-up after 30 days.

Before I can even finish telling her exactly what she’s signing, she signs the agreement. I tell her that $5 of her deposit is non-refundable and only half of it goes towards her deposit (remember, we keep the other $5 as a service charge. $5 fee + $5 towards your layaway = $10 deposit). A group of younger customers approach layaway and I hand Ms. Willaims her receipt notifying her that her remaining balance is $27.76 cents. That is the cost of her order with TN’s 1.0925 sales tax, minus $5 of her $10 deposit that goes towards her layaway.

Mathematically the equation would look like this:

      P         Ta                 D         F           To
($29.99 x 1.0925) - ($10.00 - $5.00) = $27.76
             v                             v
       $32.76         -           $5.00         = $27.76

Legend: P = Price, Ta = Tax, D = Deposit, F = Fee, To = Total

Ms. Williams takes a look at her receipt and says “HEY now wait a minute, what happened to my $10?” I proceed to tell her again that $5 of her $10 deposit is a non-refundable service charge and does not go towards her order. She still looks dumbfounded and in a snappy voice says “But WAIT it’s a $10 deposit.” I tell her that she is CORRECT, and turn around to pick up her layaway slip to show her exactly where her money went. I turn back around and she is walking away, saying “Nuh uh, that that doesn’t make any sense” as if it not making any sense to her somehow means it is wrong. Meanwhile I’m “facepalming” extremely hard in my layaway booth as I begin the order for the next people in line. I cannot believe how ignorant this woman is.

45 seconds Later Ms. Willaims returns with a friend who interrupts my next layaway and asks me about the deposit. At this point I want to slam my head against the wall. I am in utter disbelief that this is so hard to understand. Ms. Williams seems to be an educated woman. She has the articulation of a news broadcaster practicing her non-regional diction. She’s wearing relatively expensive clothing and sporting a Michael Kors purse worth over $200. The woman is literally holding a piece of paper that explains her $10 deposit and says exactly where it went, and yet she is still standing before me, now with another moron in tow for backup 

“So she could have just bought the shoes?” says moron #2. “Yes.” I say. “For $32.76.” “Damn Tennessee sales tax… almost 10%” moron #2 mutters. “OK show me the transaction.”

The cracks in my sanity begin to show. I show them both exactly where Ms. Williams’ money went on the layaway slip. I point out that the layaway deposit policy on the wall (which is one paragraph long, as opposed to this ridiculously long story of such a stupid event) which Ms. Williams couldn’t bother to read as well as the agreement she signed clearly state that she will never see again or benefit from $5 of her $10 deposit as it is the service charge required to put something in layaway.

“WELL WE DON’T HAVE TO READ POLICY BILLBOARDS, THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS, YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER ABOUT THIS, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS” they begin to yell. The kids waiting in line are giving the same WTF look as I am at Ms. Williams and moron #2. At this point I have a two scenarios flashing through my head: one of me telling them that they are both fucking idiots followed by immediate termination, and another of me jumping the counter, grabbing the shovel from the gardening rack directly behind them and proceeding to beat them both to death with it as onlookers scream in terror. However, I refrained from both scenarios and just give them a proper tongue-lashing.

“YOU BOTH need to calm down. Ms. Williams, YOU are the one that neglected our policy. YOU are the one that signed an agreement you didn’t read. This is a complete display of ignorance on YOUR part. YOU can talk to the manager if it makes you feel any better but you will NOT get your $10 back, I can assure you.”

Silence. 

The waiting customers have this look on their faces: heads tilted down, mouths slightly open, eyes darting back and forth from me to the idiots who I have just destroyed with a right hook of truthiness. 

Ms. Williams and her accomplice in stupidity walked away, continuing to say that I needed to speak to my manager about it. I continued the younger customers’ layaway and one of them look at me and said “What in the fuck, man? They were so dumb!”

I looked them dead in the eye and said, “Welcome to T.J. Maxx store 288 in Hickory Hollow.”